Emphatic
by PsycheSoul
Summary: Trinity wakes up in the Chateau and finds it difficult to remember how she got there. Then she recalls the distinct feeling of death, and remembers the war. Did Neo survive to end it? And if so, will he still be alive when she gets back?
1. Reawakened

Emphatic

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**A/N:** This is my very first Matrix fan-fic, rewritten under a different title and pen-name, and with a few modifications in it. If you recognise the name Trin303, or Dark Trin, and the title I See The Light, then it's the story you read before, only different. Feel free to reread it, but it won't be amazingly different, just slightly improved I hope.

Now, it's all about the ass kicking!

**Summary:** Trinity wakes up in the Chateau and finds it difficult to remember how she got there. Then she recalls the distinct feeling of death, and remembers the war. Did Neo survive to end it? And if he did, will he still be alive when she gets back to the real world?

**Setting:** Post-Revolutions.Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing and some violence. Just in case!

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters from _The Matrix_ belong to me. They belong to the Wachowski brothers and Warner Bros. I am neither of these brothers, I'm not a brother at all, and I don't have one either, okay? I do not make money of this hobby; it is just a hobby!

None of the characters from belong to me. They belong to the Wachowski brothers and Warner Bros. I am neither of these brothers, I'm not a brother at all, and I don't have one either, okay? I do not make money of this hobby; it is just a hobby!

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Chapter 1 – Reawakened

A feeling washed over me, one that was unpleasant almost to the point of being painful. The closest description is being dragged out of a long, vertical hole in the rough ground, hauled up and back into the bright light of the harsh, cruel world. I was waking up slowly. Was I actually dead, and couldn't tell? My body felt weak and deeply scarred, and I was so exhausted I found it difficult to even lift my eyelids. When I finally opened my eyes, the darkness around me was too harsh for me after what seemed like an eternity of deep, perfect black. I squinted, trying to adjust to it. When I finally could make out some shapes around me, I realised my surroundings were completely unfamiliar. The only light source was a tiny window up in the very far right corner of a plain white stonewall, and it was completely barred. It didn't let any air into the room, so I felt hot and damp. I looked across the room, and saw nothing. The floor was made of a cold, smooth stone, the kind that makes your skin prickle just looking at it. Then I found my exit. The only exit apart from that tiny window was a cast iron door with a bolt on it.

Great.

As I lay there on the cold stone floor, without even a pillow or blanket to keep me at all comfortable, I moved my body a little, testing my muscles and trying to move my limbs. My stomach and legs panged with a strange tingling sensation. I lifted my old grey sweater - torn and stained with oil from long days and nights of work on the Nebuchadnezzar – to reveal bruises and circular scars. My memory slowly crept back to me like someone rewinding a tape. I closed my eyes as I remembered what had happened. I remembered lying there, on the cold metal catwalk, his hand wrapped tightly in mine. I remembered hearing his quivering voice when he was struck by the harsh realisation that I wasn't going to make it any further. I remembered hearing him as he sobbed, and watching as no tears came from his damaged eyes. I remembered how hearing his soft, quivering voice, made the pain he felt so apparent that it struck me harder than I'd ever been hit before. It was a feeling not unlike dying, as I found out a few moments later. I wanted to weep, I wanted to let him see how much I loved him but I couldn't let myself show weakness to him. I knew if I showed weakness it would make it harder for him. So I kept myself quiet. I had needed to tell him how I felt. I needed to feel his lips on mine. Even now I could feel the pain of the ribbed metal rods as the protruded through my stomach and thigh. And then the feeling of physical death came back to me. I felt it up until the very nearest point to death and then my mind went blank, white like the end of a roll of tape, white and menacingly painful. My eyes opened wide again and I gasped loudly. It had felt so real to remember it.

Then suddenly I was ripped violently from my thoughts when I heard the outer bolt on the iron door behind me sliding and clanking back, and then the door being thrown open and smacking against the stonewall. To my utter amazement, two silver-grey figures entered the room. I recognised them instantly. They moved gracefully and peacefully, looking like angels with their pale white skin and long dreadlocks, disguising the cruelty I knew they possessed. I remembered that one of them 'owed' me for shooting him on the arm. I hated them from the moment I saw them when we met that French bastard and his wife in the restaurant. They didn't even try to hide their obvious desire, and they teased me about it. If I hadn't been finding it so difficult to move at that time, I would have launched myself forward at them and beaten them with all the energy I had. But there was no time for ifs then.

They grinned evilly at me, showing a slight sense of passion behind their greyish faces. I winced. I felt two pairs of hands on my shoulders as they wrenched me up into a sitting position. Any place in my body that had been injured in that crash drew attention to itself now, giving me an overall overwhelming throbbing sensation all over my body. I cried out in agony, before I could stop myself. I tried to struggle, shrugging my shoulders and twisting my body, but each movement felt like I was being stabbed in all of my joints. I hadn't properly moved since that terrible night, so I was far too weak to make anything more than a lame attempt at pulling away. I was useless but I didn't stop fighting against their strong grip, even when they started to drag me out the door. I hated the feeling of their wiry hands wrapped around my skinny upper arms, thin from lack of any kind of food.

At the top of the flight of stone steps, my body now aching even more from the forcefulness of them pulling me over cold stone steps, they dragged me into a tall, elegant hallway that I knew I recognised. Memories of the arrogant Frenchman and his self-obsessed, strangely passionate and frustrating wife came to mind, but I had no time to think about them, for it was not long before I was being hauled backwards, kicking and wrestling, up one of the two curving flights of stairs and onto the floor above. I was dragged to a pair of glass doors, and then out onto a stone balcony. They were sure to make me pay for all the things I had done, especially now in my weakened state, but I had stopped struggling now, and had started to fight with the blazing sun overhead. Usually the Matrix sun did not damage me or hurt me, even without my black sunglasses on I could withstand it, especially because it was not real. But there was a distinct feeling of pain in my eyes, the sort of pain that a person gets after waking up in the morning and someone has just switched on the lamp, only one hundred times more intense. Then something occurred to me that hadn't occurred to me before now. I was dressed in my real world clothes; a threadbare, oily grey sweater, black pants and heavy black boots that caused my legs to feel even weaker than they were at this time. Where was my usual Matrix outfit? Why wasn't I wearing my black latex catsuit, boots, and black sunglasses? I wasn't even armed with my usual array of weapons. I eventually squinted and closed my eyes, as I could recall doing at every meeting I had with these two men.

I suddenly had to force my eyes open, as I heard the soft, swift sound of metal grinding very quickly on metal, and turned towards the sound. I could just about make out the shape of a switchblade in one of the twins' hands. His brother grabbed my lower arms and forced them behind my back, lifting me to my feet. I let out a yelp and a soft moan as I stood, and felt my back pressing against the twin's white-clad chest. The first brother approached me, armed with a switchblade and a very satisfied, evil and slightly passionate grin. I felt vulnerable, but not defeated. I struggled as much as I could manage against the strong grip of my captor, but it was no use, for he only held me tighter.

"We have a choice," One said.

"Yes, we do."

"We can kill you now."

"But that would be no fun."

"Or we could torture you."

"But that means having to wait to see your pain."

"We do not like that."

"No we do not."

I squinted at the first twin, my head slowly tilting to one side, deep in thought. They puzzled me. I had heard of twins knowing when the other was upset, or feeling pain, but this was ludicrous. Each one knew what the other was thinking, and so finished off his sentences. They interpreted the other's actions before they were performed, and so worked almost beautifully together in battle. I realised I had never heard them argue, which was most likely due to the fact that they could alter their plans because they already knew what the other was thinking. They planned things aloud, just so I could hear them, but I still could not understand their idea. I hated not being in control, and I knew I had to know. Where they going to torture me for a long time out here, and then drag me back into that little room downstairs in the cellar, and bring me back for more later? Or would they save themselves the trouble and me the pain my killing me now, out in the heat of the blazing fireball above, allowing me to die on this beautiful stone balcony?

My attention was drawn quickly back to my attackers as I felt the icy cold metal of the switchblade pressed dangerously against my throat. "What do you think?" asked the one wielding the weapon.

"What do _we_ think," corrected the second twin, letting go of my arms and standing out of the way while his brother pushed me backwards.

"Oh of course," One said with a smirk.

"Let's play with her."

One muttered a sign of approval, his smile widening and the desire in his eyes showing even more. I realized then that I hated him, and his brother. He leaned towards me, pulling the blade away from my throat as he went. His face was close to mine, and I could feel his cold, damp breath on my cheek. I shuddered. He moved towards my lips with his greyish blue mouth, and I winced. I could feel him nearing my mouth now, and as he attempted to kiss me I saw my chance. My low strength would make me clumsy and my blows weak, so they would have to be cunning ones, but this was the only chance I might have to attempt escape. I thrust my heavy boot up between his thighs. He doubled over and grunted, gripping his groin tightly. While he was distracted by his pain, I brought my fists together behind my head and brought them down as fast as I could manage to the back of his skull and he collapsed head first to the ground. His brother was just starting to react when I spun around as fast as I could and chopped him in the throat, making him yelp, and kicked him in the chest. He went hurtling backwards against the stone.

I saw this as my only chance to make a run for it, so I took off towards the two shut glass doors that we had come through. I charged through them, shielding my face with my arm from the glass that shattered down onto the tiled floor beneath my feet.

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Well, thanks for reading my first chapter. I made it lengthier than it was originally, and hopefully it seems more detailed now. Hope you enjoyed reading it, drop me a review telling me of any improvements you'd like to see. Thanks. 

- PsycheSoul


	2. Frozen

Emphatic

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Chapter 2 - Frozen

I bolted through the perfect looking bedroom, taking in very little detail, concentrating on my one aim. To get the hell out of that place. The one thing that caught my eye as I stopped by the door to turn the handle was a beautifully ornate statue of a man standing on a rock, looking out over what could be a plain or a waterfall. It made me think for a second, _This is too human. It's an imitation._ As I thought this, I remembered I too was human as I felt a little stream of hot blood trickling from a gash on my cheek, caused by the shards of glass. I shook my head, emptying it off thoughts and pushed my shoulder against the door, charging through it. I knew better than to look behind me; it would only slow me down. If I was caught again these two fallen angels would have another thing to hold against me, and this time I doubt they'd be so careless.

There were two directions I could go when I left the room, and I had no time to ponder which one to take. I could only dart to my left and hope for the best, and as I ran I felt my legs throbbing angrily and my heart pounding as if it might break through my chest. I turned a corner and came to a staircase, and although I anticipated the pain I had no choice but to take a leap down the four steps to the bottom. My legs gave way and I stumbled, falling to my knees. A sharp pain shot up from my ankles and I moaned as quietly as I could manage. My fingers scrabbled at the walls, and I hauled myself to my feet and started hobbling down the seemingly eternal hallway as fast as I could. I could only scold myself later for being so foolish.

I knew the twins would be after me by now. I could round this corner and one of them could be waiting for me. There were no hurried footsteps behind or in front of me, but I didn't stop to have a better listen. They could have been in ghost form, but I couldn't do anything but keep running. The only sound I could hear was my own rushed, heaving and shallow breath and the sounds of my work-boots thumping heavily off the elegant red carpet. Maybe I was making too much noise to hear anything, or maybe there was just nothing to hear.

There was a turn-off to the right, and I took it at a sprint, almost crashing into the opposite wall in my haste. I rounded the corner and found no one waiting for me, and I couldn't force down the feeling of hope that maybe I had made it, maybe I was free. I recognised this hallway from when we first came here, to rescue the Keymaker, where Morpheus and I had left Neo to fight off the Merovingian and his crowd of demon henchmen.

Much to my dismay, I had no time to stop and rest my now throbbing thighs, so I continued running at the only speed I could muster. I took the left marble staircase two steps at a time, limping the entire way down due to my last mistake. There was pain shooting up my entire body this time, not just my legs. I bit hard into my lip, tasting the bitter taste of my own blood, trying not to let the pain slow me down. They would be here any moment. The one feeling of hope I had had just been demolished as I moved at a hobble down the stairs. I knew my chances of escape were dismal, and they would more than likely catch me and kill me before nightfall, but I couldn't just sit back and let it happen. I couldn't be tortured. I was going to at least try to escape, even if I wasn't successful.

I saw the two wide doors standing before me, and I hoped and prayed they would be open. They were my only chance, that I could see anyway, so I knew it was worth a try. I stopped at the door, biting lightly into my lower lip in apprehension as I grabbed the door handle impatiently, so tightly that the blood ran from my knuckles turning them a yellow-white. I disobeyed the rules of escape and even my own personal laws and took a quick glance behind me, and frowned despite myself when I realised there was no one in pursuit of me. I hadn't hit him that hard, had I? While I was turning around I turned the handle, and the door thrust forwards, and despite this being what I had hoped and planned for, when I faced the enclosed courtyard my face fell.

A twin.

He stood there before me, his face twisted cruelly, a wicked smile of amusement playing on his pale grey lips. Behind him the sun was shining brightly and cheerfully, almost ironically, rubbing the situation in my face even more. I had a split second glance at the balcony we were standing on, to the left of the courtyard, and saw his brother still seeming protective of his groin, but not in quite as much pain. If I hadn't been in danger I might have felt a sense of pride. It may seem like there was a long enough time for a smart escape, but really there was none at all. That didn't stop me trying, however, and I swivelled on my heel quite painfully and attempted to bolt, only to feel two very cold, very strong hands slamming hard down on my shoulders and yanking me backwards harshly so I was pressed against the man's chest. I gasped at the pain I felt shooting once again in small lines up and down my body, sparking around my stomach and thighs especially.

"Where do you think _you_ are going?" he asked, and I could hear from his tone that he was still grinning.

--

I lay on the icy stone floor later that night, my threadbare blanket draped over my threadbare sweater, the room so dark I couldn't make out anything in the room, which added to the chilliness of the place. My body was hurt from the abuse I had received for my escape attempt, including a bruise on my right cheekbone and around my collarbone, and a long cut starting from inside centre of my bottom lip running down to the outside just below my lip. I felt worse than I had ever felt in all of my life, and I had led a pretty dangerous one so far. The twins owed me more now after my attempt. I felt it slowly build up inside me, and fighting it was no use, so eventually a couple of tears began forming in my eyes, and a few moments later they were streaming down my cheeks and my body was racked with silent sobs.

This isn't me. This isn't Trinity, I told myself, but it was in vain. For the second time today I was breaking personal rules, rules that I had almost never broken. No one saw me cry, not even myself. I tried to keep it that way always, and I knew from personal experience that it took a lot to make me cry. Is this what I had been reduced to? I realised that the tears were not for the pain alone, though it admittedly contributed greatly to it. Neo was the only one who had seen me at the worst of times, but not even he had seen me in the state I was in that night. When I thought that he might not be there when I got back, I almost wished the twins would kill me on the spot. Anything was better than going back to an empty cabin again. I felt myself shaking more with the sorrow and fear of losing him. Unfortunately I knew though that although it took a lot to make me cry, it also took a lot to make me stop, and I often couldn't stop until I had run out of tears to cry. It took a lot to make me get into a deep state of stress, but Neo was the perfect example of a reason to lose control.

No matter how hard I tried I could not keep the thoughts of him completely out of my head. I wondered if he was still alive, if he was safe. Or was he dead? I wondered what happened that day while I lay out on the Logos, metal rods pressing my body like I was an elastic band, making me feel like I was stretched to my limits. Had the One, _my _One, won the battle to save humanity? Or had he been defeated? If he had, did that mean I was the single survivor of the entire human race? I gathered all my thoughts together and hoped that my normally logical mind would help me sort through my many questions and give me rational answers, even if those answers were only to make me feel better. If he had lost the battle and died then why would I be alive now? He had to survive to bring me back to life, somehow. But this clouded my mind with another question.

Why am I here instead of in his arms back at our city celebrating our victory, celebrating life, the end of the war? Was this place the equivalent of hell?

My logical mind was flustered with questions and it felt like it was completely filled with a dark, misty haze. My questions could not be answered while I lay there in a tiny box room in the middle of nowhere. I could lie there and reassure myself, be a real optimist and tell myself that everything was going to be okay. Nothing was wrong, everything was just fine. Or I could torture myself to hell and back with questions until tears started flowing at full speed down my face again. My final option was to lie like a dunce and pretend nothing was going on at all. After all, ignorance is bliss, right? Wrong. My only way of comfort would be to make sure that whatever had happened to Neo, I made sure it was not in vain. The only way to do that was to escape this off-white purgatory and run as fast as my legs would carry me. What would happen after that, I had no idea, and would have to figure out when I got to that point. Or rather, _if_ I got to that point.

As another tear escaped my eye as I realised how hopeless this mission was, and I found the strength to roll over onto my side and face another blank wall, the irritating mattress and blankets scratching at my soft skin, I heard the bolt on the door slamming upwards and the door creaked open contrastingly gently. At first I assumed it was one of the twins, and I built a protective wall around my heart, mind and body. I wasn't going to let my upset be shown to them, they would not know they had succeeded. But as I took just a moment to think about it, I realised that the push had been just a tone too gentle, the bolt driving upwards just not confident enough to be that of an angry ghost-man. After my moment of fear and then my following moment of revelation, I realised just how much I did not want to see anyone, and I shut my eyes and willed whoever it was to go away.

But as I had almost expected, I did not hear anyone moving in either direction, towards or away from me, and the door almost didn't move at all. In fact, it sounded as if an angel had been hovering there in the doorframe, and had disappeared into thin air, at least until I heard something else.

"Trinity," a soft male voice cooed. Recognition washed over me like the swift realisation that I was not alone. I knew who it was immediately, and rolled over to face him.

"Seraph?" I called, quiet loudly and with a hoarse tone of voice. I felt like I was imagining standing there, the pain getting a little too much for my body. His white coat contrasted scarily with the darkness of the room. I didn't want to believe it was him there, but I was so happy at the sight of him that I felt like I would cry again.

"Ssh," he hushed me. "We must keep quiet. Everyone in the house is asleep."

"They sleep?" I asked in surprise, firstly finding it strange that the awful programs who had captured me actual rested. But then I had a thought that made me regret asking the question.

"Yes. Programs must rest, it is a…stand-by, so to speak. That is beside the point. You must keep quiet, no one must know I am here," he whispered softly.

I got to my feet, obeying his orders to keep quiet, and felt the pain surging through my body in deep, harsh waves. Even my teeth tingled with the power of it. I kept my mouth shut tight, biting into the skin of my cheek to keep myself from shrieking. I couldn't resist the urge to ask him a question.

"Where are we going?"

"Morpheus is waiting for us at the top of the stairs. He is guarding us. If anyone discovers us, the chances of us all escaping alive are unlikely. In fact, I fear that none of us would be able to do so," he said, almost completely ignoring my question.

We crept up the familiar, spiralling stone steps, and I had a swift flashback of the twins dragging me - much against my will - up these steps. I could almost feel their sharp, jutting edges prodding my aching back as I pulled on them and got beaten for struggling. My hips and the small of my back continually cracked off the corners of the steps as I went up that time, and every time I placed my foot on a new step now I winced with the current pain and the pain of the past.

I had so many questions to ask Morpheus when we met, and if we ever escaped. For example, why wasn't I dressed like I normally would be in the Matrix? That one completely baffled me. I ignored my other questions. I missed the Neb, her soft humming sound as she moved swiftly through the sewers, the sound of her clanking metal pipes, the echo of boots on grate, and even the disgusting goop we were used to eating. God, I was hungry.

As Seraph had described, at the top of the steps stood Morpheus, my mentor, my captain, my father figure. He smiled so softly at me, a smile of peace, gentle happiness and some sort of reconciliation. I could tell that below his placid greetings he was feeling relief at seeing me again. He suppressed his feelings, just like I did. I decided to save the hugs and welcomes for when we got back to the ship again. I didn't remember then, but I had watched the Nebuchadnezzar explode in the sewers, and I didn't even take a moment to think that we may not be on the same ship as we had been before.

As we started off up the corridor, Morpheus walked alongside us, trying to go quietly so as not to make his well-known, purposeful tread known to the household. Seraph and I needn't have worried; it seemed Seraph's light shoes and his training had taught him silence, and I was barefoot anyway. I did find it awkward to walk quietly, for every step stung like a thousand knives all slashing at my muscles and bones.

We reached the main hall, a huge and beautifully designed room with two staircases meeting in the middle. We passed the double doors that I had tried to escape through earlier in the day, and turned to walk between the staircases and through a small door. Seraph led the way through the door and a library. I wondered how he knew where we were going, almost to the extent of knowing the house by heart. I knew he had helped Neo get where he needed to go, but I did not contemplate his double purpose. I had trusted Seraph with everything only a short while ago, and now I was questioning his loyalty. He was a program, like many others. How could we trust him, when many programs seemed against us?

I pushed these questions out of my mind. Right now, my life was in his hands and I would just have to trust him with it. I had pretty much no other choice. I could of course bolt off in many chosen directions, and probably run straight into my enemies arms anyway. I chose to trust him, he had done me well in the past. The wall around my heart wasn't quite demolished, and I doubted it every would be. I found it hard to trust people, let alone programs. Neo had wormed his way through a crack in that wall, and I trusted him with everything. I trusted Morpheus, but I couldn't say he had demolished any part of that wall. I had to let my walls down now or I would inexorably die.

Seraph opened the door at the furthest end of the library and we were led into a very small study. The decorations were old, the paintings hung on the walls looked absolutely ancient. The only furniture was a small bookcase, an old desk and a wooden chair. At the far end of the tiny room - about the same size as my dungeon - was another door. We followed Seraph to the door, and he dropped a bunch of keys from the inside of his sleeve and into his palm. He pushed a key into the lock and it turned with a quiet click, and the door slid open. Through that door was one of the most amazing rooms I have ever seen.

It was an absolutely exquisite bedroom. There was a huge bed pushed against the centre of the back wall, draped with deep purple silk and surrounded by curtains. The walls were covered in paintings of beautiful women and old bookcases and a white leather sofa sat against the wall opposite the bed. It looked like no one had even been present in the room for many years. I wondered why no one slept in such an amazing room, with such silken sheets.

My mind wandered from the task at hand to the night of the Zion celebrations. Neo and I had settled down on a firm mattress, in a candlelit room, and he had made love to me slowly. The room was hot with passion, and neither of us noticed our surroundings as we moved together. The warm rock cave felt all the warmer with the heat of the moment and the sweat evaporating. Everything had an orange glow from the candle flames that were set all around us, and our bodies were distorted up the walls in shadow-form, moving at the same time as us. I thought of that night, how close we had been, and I wanted to weep.

I hadn't mentioned Neo to Morpheus yet, I hadn't asked him all the questions that I longed to ask. I desperately wanted to talk to him. In fact, ignoring gestures I hadn't spoken at all to my captain since Neo came down the ladder from our cabins on the Hammer, announcing that he needed to take a ship to the machine city. This dragged my memory back to the desperate and pitiful look on his face when Captain Roland dismissed him, rejecting his idea and practically snapping his nose off. _He _was the captain and _he_ would say what went on with _his_ ship. I got the impression that Captain Roland had some sort of dislike of Neo, perhaps because he did not believe in everything, or perhaps because he was afraid. But either way, Neo was one person he would not give his ship to. I remembered the pang I had felt in my chest when I saw the mixture of disappointment and humiliation on his face, but also felt proud whenever I realised that he wasn't going to give up on the mission just because someone had shot him down like that. Despite the running down he received, he fought on anyway. This also brought tears to my eyes, and I had to stop them from spilling down over my cheeks. I had to push all thoughts of my lover out of my head completely.

When we reached the doors on the other side of the bedroom, Seraph gently and quietly pushed them open. He had taken everything into consideration, and had worked terribly hard to get us through the Chateau without making a noise, without waking anyone up. This is why I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach when I heard that frosty voice again, this time more hushed.

"Freeze."

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And on with the madness!

- PsycheSoul


	3. Pure White

Emphatic

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Chapter 3 - Pure White 

The calm tone the twin's voice held was contrasting sharply with the anger I knew was boiling up deep inside him. At a guess I would think that this was the man I had kicked to vent my frustration out on the balcony earlier in the afternoon. It was obvious that he was here for some sort of revenge, also mixed in with rage and the fact that he had to stop us from invading his master's household. His brother stood protectively behind him, ready to leap on us if we gave up any kind of struggle. I physically winced at the thought that they would not give up until cold revenge was had.

I saw Morpheus and Seraph look at each other knowingly, and they simultaneously turned to me with a glare that told me not to get involved. I hadn't the energy to disobey either of them, and definitely didn't have the energy to help in the fight, much to my dismay and annoyance at my weakness. As they looked back swiftly at the pair standing before them, I stumbled backwards to the wall and pressed my back up its soothing yet somehow melancholy coldness. No one visited this room, I could tell. I landed quite ungracefully on the floor, my body pulsing in agony at the fall mixed with my other aches.

"What did you do to her?" Morpheus hissed, half angry, half cautious not to wake upthe program that was this house. It had been years since I heard him sounding so harsh, a long time. He rarely let his fury glare through to his crewmembers, perhaps it was to leave us unprepared if we ever did something wrong, or perhaps he was just that way by nature. He had an extremely calm exterior, and usually it seemed like he had a calm interior also. But not tonight.

"What do you mean, do to her?" the protective twin said from behind his brother, an evil, menacing smirk playing at the corner of his lopsided lips. A look of pure amusement and enjoyment spread across his powdery silver-white face.

"We merely had a little fun with her," the other twin said with an identical grin.

Without wasting even another second, I saw something click in Morpheus and his fury slowly turned into strategy. Seraph noticed too, and they both flew at the twins, taking an opponent each. They fought in a silent yet deadly fashion, even their usually heavy footsteps were careful and gentle. My dreary eyes were fixed on Morpheus, watching in amazement as he sweep kicked one twin with such an intense silence it almost deafened me. As he landed the kick perfectly on the twin's body and stunned him, he threw a hefty punch to his opponent's head. I watched carefully as his anger subsided, dampened by the concentration in trying to protect me and himself. My mentor's opponent was swift, and he ghosted in and out of the attacks, throwing a good few moves himself, sometimes causing Morpheus to stumble backwards quietly. It was almost like a beautiful dance, watching the silver man turn into a silver mist, then returning and finding Morpheus' foot thrust deep into his stomach, then seeing the twin push a harsh fist into Morpheus' shoulder, causing him to take a step back to steady himself, the only sound being the harsh and strained breathing of both. The fight was so astounding that I wished it were me fighting the twin, but I knew it was impossible with my current condition.

My eyes darted across the shadow-cast room to Seraph, the wingless angel, almost a ghost in his own right. He was a calm and relaxed man to look at, but he held much conflict and was more deadly than any program I had ever seen. He was more skilled than anyone I had ever seen. He was well written. As I watched him fighting the other twin, it was just like watching two spectres racing across the floor, dancing majestically. Neither of them made a sign of pain. They were moving at such a speed that Seraph's long white coat was whipping out behind him, and the twin's long dreadlocks were flicking around his pale face. All of the fighters had weapons, deadly weapons, sharp blades or fatal firearms. No one produced a weapon, the twin's didn't even bring out their switchblade. It was almost more frightening to know they could whip a weapon out at any moment.

Watching the twins darting in and out of ghost-form killed me with anticipation. Much to my annoyance, it made my defenders and rescuers quite inaccurate in their fighting, but for the life of them they wouldn't give up. Fists were flying angrily through the air after a short while, and I found myself feeling a strange sense of guilt that I was watching them fighting a dangerous battle, when I should be out their helping. But what could I do? I would end up getting the way, just one blow to any area of my body would make me collapse onto the floor. Also, at the feeling I held right now, even standing up would prove to be a losing battle.

The fight suddenly changed before my eyes, and I noticed Morpheus hissing at Seraph to go to me. Seraph obeyed almost immediately, putting in one last blow as he spun on one heel and kicked his opponent harshly against the door, making him grunt. I flinched when I heard the sound, so loud it would surely awaken everyone. Seraph went to me, he put one arm around my back, and hauled my arm around his shoulders. I was by now too weak to even open my eyes for longer than a few seconds. I felt close to vomiting at the sudden movement as he lifted me to my feet, and I started to feel light headed. In a short while I would be gone. It felt again distinctly like dying, and I knew I was about to faint. I grunted from the pain of him holding me in his arms, and my mind was fighting to keep my eyes open. Eventually I let my eyelids drop completely, and I heard the sound of Morpheus cocking his twin pistols behind us, and opened my eyes barely in time to see him backing towards the twin glass doors we were currently hurrying through.

"Trinity, you have to hold on. I have to jump," Seraph told me in a calm and somehow soothing voice.

"But…why?" I rasped, choking slightly. I feared the worst, that we were leaping from the top floor balcony into the courtyard below. I had no energy to panic, though, so I awaited an answer.

"We have to get to the next balcony. It is the only way to an exit," he explained simply. I felt a sharp jolt as he lifted from the ground, and everything seemed to go in slow motion from then. He leapt between the two balconies, which I assumed wasn't a huge distance. I liked to hide my fear if I ever felt it, and that moment was a moment when I felt a lot of fear, but I had to trust this man. From what I knew of him and believed of him he was more likely to hurtle to the ground than let go of me.

Up until then I could hear Morpheus firing his pistols, and no doubt hitting nothing but two misty clouds and the walls behind them. No matter how accurate a shooter he was, it was impossible to shoot a ghost. He stopped and I heard him telling Link we needed an exit immediately. I could hear and feel his voice getting closer, he was no doubt running for his life. The last thing I heard was the sound of a telephone ringing, completely shattering the silence as though it were a pain of crystal clear glass. My head began to throb.

So my city is still alive.

After that thought I blacked out with a faint, weak smile on my face.

--

When I finally reopened my eyes after a deep and dreamless sleep, my eyelids still heavy from weakness, I was faced with the horrid sight of an old stone ceiling.

"No!" I cried.

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**A/N: **Oh, I'm so cruel to you, my lovelies! Anyway, in reply to DM, yes this story will be familiar to you. You were one of my most faithful readers when I wrote this story the first time, under the name Trin303. I deleted it from that account, and am currently rewriting it, as is obvious. Looks like you found me!

-- PsycheSoul


	4. Truth

**Emphatic**

**A/N: **Sorry about the delay, I would have updated but as you know the site was going through some changes. So here's the next chapter anyway, thanks for all who have been reading!

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**Chapter 4 - Truth**

After my outburst, panic seriously ensued, and I found myself breathing heavily. Pain coursed through every part of my body, and I was about to force myself up from my dream and start pounding on the enforced door when I saw a friendly, familiar face above me. I recognised her as Cas, Dozer's girlfriend before his death. I felt a sudden twinge of sadness, regret and even guilt almost when my eyes locked onto hers, and I saw a melancholy happiness deep within them. It was as if she had been forced to look like she were truly happily smiling, when deep down I knew she was aching. She had lost the one she loved, and I realised how close _I_ was to doing the same. But Neo wasn't gone yet; I had to know where he was. Her heart had been broken, and mine was so close to breaking itself. We had a strange bond together, a bond of pain. But mine was not confirmed yet, and somehow that almost made it worse. I didn't know if Neo was here in Zion, sitting in the room with us, or dead somewhere in the machine city.

"Hey, Trinity. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?" Cas asked smilingly.

"I'm all right. I didn't know where I was," I replied. Then I realised I still didn't know where I was. "Cas, where are we?" My throat stung with these words as if each one was a ball of barbed wire.

"You're in the infirmary," Cas told me. She smiled warmly now. "Back at Zion. How's the pain now?"

"Truthfully?" I asked, almost jokingly but not quite. "Truthfully, I feel like I'm a tennis ball still being bounced off a wall," I moaned. I began to haul myself upwards into a sitting position, making a hissing sound through my teeth. The pain was much more intense than any I had felt before. I had had bullets piercing my stomach, shoulders, even hitting the bone, but nothing compared to this pain that began as a dull throbbing and then became a sharp, piercing feeling all the way across my stomach, down my thighs and into every part of my body. It was almost unbearable. The wounds were gone, but where the metal rods had pierced my body there was a distinct empty feeling, mixed in with a deep aching.

"Easy, Trinity. Lie down," Cas said softly, holding my shoulders and gently lowering me onto the bed again.

I obeyed her. Again, Neo crept into my head and I tried to stop myself from mentioning him. It prolonged the pain but also made me feel more in control of the situation. I needed that feeling. "What's it like out there?" I asked her.

"Well, as you probably guessed, the war ended. But there were many deaths, and much of the city is wrecked," Cas said, her voice cracking.

"Oh," I said, feeling a certain sense of sadness. I had promised myself to wait a little while, until I was better perhaps, to ask about Neo. But I couldn't hold myself back, I was cracking very slowly. I dreaded asking the question, or rather the answer I would get, but I needed to ask it or I feared I might go insane. "Neo…is he here? Is he okay?"

Cas looked at me with some sort of pity, trying to hide it but failing miserably. "I had better get Morpheus for you to talk to. I think it would be better for you to hear it from him than from me," she replied. The sympathy in her face made me want to scream. I feared the worst, which made me squirm constantly in my bed. Everything here irritated me. The rough blankets, the hard mattress, the squeaking of the metal table every time I moved, the glaring lights above me. Everything was against me, it seemed. I couldn't keep still without becoming annoyingly uncomfortable, and every movement sent another rush of pain around my body.

"Trinity," Morpheus said gently, his voice coming from what I assumed was the door. I heard his footsteps clanking gently across the floor of the silver and white room, and rather than risk further pain I let him walk to my bed before finally losing my nerve and turning to him. My neck throbbed dully but I kept looking at him anyway.

"What's going on, Morpheus?" I rasped, my weakness sounding almost too evident. My guard was down, and I hated it. I gritted my teeth in frustration at myself, but Morpheus knew me well enough to let this one pass without comment.

"You want answers. Unfortunately, I don't have what you want to hear. But I do know something, and I will tell you all of what I know. You deserve to hear it," he said, almost soothingly.

"What is it?" I questioned, growing slowly impatient. "Is he still alive?"

Morpheus hesitated, making me sigh heavily and angrily, and then he answered, "Yes."

Up until now my feelings had been angry, frustrated, annoyed, upset, frightened to hell and back, and I had been staring at a point on the opposite wall to stop myself from meeting Morpheus' gaze. I felt enormous relief when I heard that one little word, and a smile even spread across my face. I looked up to him, my eyes almost disbelieving, and when I saw that he didn't share my excitement and joy, my smile faded. His eyes were downward cast, staring at the floor below him.

"Morpheus, what? What is it?" I asked him, closing my eyes in the vain hope that I would wake up from this nightmare. Perhaps I could shut out the cruel world around me. "When can I see him?"

"Well, we're not exactly sure of that right now."

"Why not? He is conscious, isn't he?" I quizzed him. I didn't know if I could bear seeing my lover in a coma again, the first second of seeing him the first time was sheer hell.

"He isn't here, he isn't in Zion," Morpheus explained. He sounded guilty, as though it were his fault. With that comment, my eyes shot open and I began to glare at him. So much rage took over my body at this moment that if I had the ability to move I would have leapt off the bed and wrapped my hands tightly around my mentor's throat. I had loved Morpheus like a father, but I loved Neo as the other half of me, the part that completed my being. I knew it wasn't Morpheus' fault, but rage took over me and I knew that he wasn't telling me everything in his knowledge. I just wanted him to be frank about it, let me know. Also, he was the nearest person to me and quite frankly I would have killed anyone, especially if they weren't trying their damn hardest to find Neo.

"What do you mean he isn't here? Where the hell is he?" I snapped, rarely letting my anger show the way it did then. My voice was high pitched and I was almost shrieking due to my sore throat.

"Calm down Trinity," Morpheus said warningly. He began to explain things to me quickly. "He is in the Matrix. Just as you were. That's what we're sure of. His code shows up on the monitors, but anyone who jacks in just can't find him," he told me. "They just can't."

"I have to go in and find him," I said frantically, determined. I tried to get out of bed, ignoring the pain at first, but when I was on my feet I collapsed before even taking one step. Morpheus reacted swiftly and caught me on the way down.

"Trinity. You are not going anywhere, you're too weak. I can't allow it, I won't. Anyway, you haven't heard it all yet," he told me.

He placed me gently on the bed again and helped me to lie down. He leaned over my body and looked me deep in my eyes, something he rarely did to anyone.

"When the war ended, we knew Neo must have survived to end it. When you both didn't come home, and we expected at least you to come back, we assumed the ship had crashed, or the engine had failed. We gave it a few more days, and then we did the only thing we could do. We sent a search party to the city. It was considered dangerous, suicidal even. No one had made it there in years, but if you made it to finish the war we could only hope the machines would accept us there. Luckily they did, perhaps hesitantly, but they accepted us. We flew around for probably half the day, looking for the Logos, and when we finally found it I got off the ship. There was no one on the ship, it was a wreck. There was blood on the floors, pipes and rods jutting out everywhere. But there were no bodies, which I found to be strange to say the least. Eventually we found both bodies nearby, plugged into the Matrix by two small machines. Both of you were in bad condition, still alive, but in bad condition, and Neo was much worse than you. You seemed to be awake, from what I could tell, and Neo…he was drained. No energy at all, and he was still unconscious."

"How were we plugged in? The ship crashed, Morpheus. It was ruined. You saw that. The blood…it was mine. I was dead," I told him, my voice weakening at the thought of it.

Morpheus heard me and his eyes widened, a fear in his eyes. "I assume it was the machines, the must have healed you. They brought you to life. They plugged you in so we could find you, it seems. Though why they would do that, I have no idea. Link searched his monitors, and when he eventually found you he felt foolish for not finding you before. It just seemed impossible that would be so far from the city. By the time I was in and had contacted Seraph, you had already been found. I assumed the twins had taken you already. Link pulled us out and jacked me in as close as he could to the Chateau. Without the Keymaker we had to go through the mountains and get in without making a sound. Sounds so simple, but was undeniably difficult."

"And Neo?" I asked, getting more and more impatient as time went on.

"I don't know. He was nowhere near you. The twins didn't pick him up, and if we can't see him when we plug in I don't know what is going on. I'm sorry Trinity, but believe me, I am far from giving up."


	5. Numb

**Emphatic**

**A/N:** I am so sorry this took me so long, I have been swamped with work all week!

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Chapter 5 - Numb**

The news hit me like a boulder being hurled at my stomach. I somehow managed to control my sudden bout of sadness and panic, and this time started working at making myself emotionally numb. I told myself that until I started to feel stronger there was no point in even letting the thought of Neo creep into my mind, or I would just end up feeling miserable. I didn't fancy a dose of depression on top of the physical pain I was suffering. Of course, I might force myself to go in search of him, but how? And what would it matter if I wasn't ready to walk? Every second I spent thinking about him hurt even more than the pain from the metal rods. I was sure I wasn't coming back while I lay there on the Logos. I was sure that was my moment to die, I was sure I wouldn't see him again. A small part of me wished I had remained dead, anything to stop this determination mixed with sheer hopelessness. But the rest of me knew I had to keep going, for his sake, for my sake, for Zion's sake. The only thing I knew about the events after my death were that Neo had been submitted to a great deal of pain, and he was currently alive but unconscious, and lost, possibly forever. And that thought pulled on my heart so hard that it felt like it was torn into shreds. What I didn't know was how he felt this pain, nor what state he was in at that very moment, apart from the fact that it was worse than how I felt. At that moment, I found it difficult to imagine how horrific that must be.

Morpheus visited me the next day, after a shallow but dreamless sleep, if it could even be called sleep. He shared more information; about news he had heard. In return I explained all that had happened on the journey, including Neo's blindness - which shocked him, and how I came to be so badly injured and what caused my death. Then I came to the events after my attempted escape.

"What did they do to you, Trinity?" he asked me, concern filling his fatherly voice.

"They got their revenge," I replied coldly. Thinking about how the twins had pushed my already broken body into walls, beaten me and at one point grazed my skin with a switchblade made me feel an intense hatred for them. Morpheus seemed to smile a little.

"It's good to have you back," he told me, some form of happiness in his tone. "But what did you do to deserve revenge?"

"You saw me shoot one of them in the arm while we were in that car park. Well, after that, I kicked one in the groin and tried my damn hardest to escape. As you found out, I failed," I explained to him, the events of the week coming back to me. "How long were we gone?"

"After you left? Probably about two weeks. You were out cold until then?"

"Yes," I grunted.

"The good news is, you will be okay. You aren't completely healed, but you will be. The machines gave you back your life, but you lost blood which they could not replace. It caused your weakness," Morpheus told me.

I found myself looking to my left forearm, and there was a probe coming out of the metal plug. I followed the deep red tube up to a bag three-quarters full with blood. I hadn't noticed it before, most likely because I had been asleep for most of my time back at Zion. I thought that if I'd ever deserved a rest, that was when I deserved it most. I had many more questions to ask, and after such an ordeal I decided there was no point in hiding them any more, not if it was getting me nowhere.

"I didn't know it was possible to get to the Chateau the way you say," I commented. It was really more of a question than a statement.

"Well, I can tell you it was far from simple. Link dropped me in a position a few miles south of where he says Neo called him to request a location. Seraph met me nearer to the Chateau, on the mountain path I took. It took me from early evening to midnight to reach him, and then we were faced with the guards of the place. It was a good warm-up battle before the real thing inside. The keys to the house were within the guard tower, and we let ourselves in through the main doors."

My logical mind was finally restored to me, my questions finally satisfied with reasonable answers. I inwardly smiled a faint smile before falling into a deep sleep, the lengthy conversation becoming too much for my brain to cope with along with the pain. Morpheus must have left after that, and I don't blame him for a sleeping person is not the best conversation starter.

--

A deep sleep it was, for when I finally reawakened I discovered that almost three full days had been and gone without my realising it at all. I felt relaxed and lazy after wakening up, and as I stretched out my muscles, testing them, I yawned quite loudly, breathlessly. I was looking for signs of improvement, and sure enough my muscles were stronger - though a little stiff - and my cuts had healed to reveal only traces of scabs. The almost healed wounds on my stomach and thigh had a fresh dressing on, and the drip had been removed from the plug in my arm.

That's a good sign.

I started to feel more powerful, like I had more control over my body, my entire being, and even the situation. I decided almost without thinking properly that I needed to test my limits. To begin with, I very slowly stretched my legs out. There was definitely some noticeable pain left, but it had diminished so much that it was just a trace compared to the aching I felt with any movement before. I took a breath and placed my hands on the edge of the silver bed. I needed to do this for myself. I hauled myself up into a sitting position, and I managed to get off with just a wince. Once my feet hit the cold, tiled floor, I felt the corners of my mouth twitching ever so slightly at the feeling of it. I pulled my boots on, pain niggling my back as I bent over, and then I stood up without the support of the bed, and pain tingled in my legs. But I was proud of myself for standing, so I ignored the pain. Most of the pain was from not using my legs for a week. I stumbled clumsily over my own feet as I made my way around the room, some slight throbbing beginning in my stomach and thigh again. I grabbed onto objects to aid me in my walking, and eventually made it to the doorway.

I peered around the corner and saw Zee sitting on one of the chairs of the waiting room, Cas standing with her back to me. Zee looked concerned from where I stood, the importance of their discussion making her oblivious at first to my presence. I wanted to surprise them, walk towards them and let them see I had improved so much. But as I walked through the door, my legs became suddenly weak and gave way below me, and I had to grab onto the frame for support.

"Trinity!" Zee called, the movement obviously catching her eye. Her expression was a mixture of relief and concern. She rushed to me, Cas turning and following swiftly behind her. I was currently half standing, half kneeling, and Cas seemed to look guilty.

"Trinity, you should be resting," she muttered, helping me up and holding my arm tightly. Her voice had a hint of patronisation in it, and despite my weakened state, my nature caused me to groan loudly. I had taken care of myself all my life, I didn't need her to treat me like this.

"Cas, I can do it myself," I snapped. I realised I was wrong, and my voice softened. "Thanks. I just need to get out," I told her, steadying myself in the doorway. Her face was beside mine, and I saw her looking hurt. "I can't stand sitting around here any more. I can't just do nothing, I have to at least _look_ for him here."

Her expression luckily changed to sympathy, which was a much better emotion than guilt and hurt. She had a hint of sadness, remembrance in her eyes. I was beginning to understand how she felt, she had been through a lot. I just hoped I didn't begin to understand her feelings too deeply.

"At least take some crutches," she asked me, finally submitting.

"No, I'm fine. I'm fine, Cas, honestly," I told her sternly. I began to walk forward to demonstrate my point, but I fell across one of the medicine counters before I'd take my second step. I turned and looked bitterly at Cas.

"Please?"

Zee brought a crutch over without my submission, without even being prompted by Cas. She pushed it towards me and I took it in my hands reluctantly. It felt foreign, I was used to feeling weapons, steering wheels, Neo's hands, his skin… I shook my head, physically trying to rid myself of thoughts of him. I used the crutch to prop me up on my right side, and stood straight again.

"All right, I'll use it," I agreed finally. I hated being taken care of by them. I needed to know I could take care of myself, without their help. I couldn't even admit to myself that without them, anything could have happened. I only needed me to look after me. But as soon as I thought that, his face passed into my mind, the feeling of his arms warm around me, the sound of him whispering in my ear that it would all be okay…

No, I commanded myself. _Stop it. I can't think of him until I see him at least._

I commanded myself. 

I couldn't let my hopes build up. But I knew that while it was difficult to stop thinking of him now, I could lock thoughts of him away for a while. But once I had seen his familiar code trickling down the monitors, the lock would break.

I made my way out of the infirmary, using the crutch at my side to hold me up if I felt like I was falling. I took a good look around me at the city, kicking bits of shrapnel and large chunks of metal out of my path. Small and large bits of debris covered the dock, and I shoved them out of the way with a boot or the crutch. I felt a certain sadness looking at the holes in the ceiling, and the pieces of metal on the floor before me. Some were bits of sentinels and machine weapons, others were small bullets from the machines we controlled, then there were bits of our roof, parts of one of the many commanding rooms and even railings spread everywhere. This wreck that lay before me used to be a bustling city filled with laughter, life and love, and this bridge that I walked on used to be busy with soldiers striding purposefully back and forth between their ships and their cabins. The dock that I was heading towards was filled with brilliant ships before the war, many of them old but still working perfectly, all working together for one cause. I wondered how many of them were still there, intact, and how many of them had been completely destroyed. I wondered how many of them had been found in the sewers, tattered and torn, broken down and battered. I wondered where they were now, where their crews stayed.

The bridge itself was a total destruction zone. Workers had managed to build a temporary bridge across a giant gap that had been torn away during the battle. It seemed safe enough, but the metal was flimsy compared to that of the original bridge, and it wasn't very wide so only two people could cross it at once, rather than the previous possibility of ten people marching across the bridge alongside one another. Any dead bodies had since been cleared away and either cremated or buried in the old burial grounds outside the temple. I was glad, for although I had seen many dead bodies in my life in the real world, I didn't know if I could face one more case of death right now. I had had my fair share of it in the last while.

I made my way to the docks at the end. They too seemed to have gone through some serious damage repairs, and to my dismay about six of the ships were gone. I knew already of the Osiris, the Vigilant, our Nebuchadnezzar and the Logos, but what other two were missing? Perhaps they were just out on their rounds, or perhaps they were gone, destroyed like the rest of the city. I swallowed hard, a bitter feeling spreading from my head to my throat, and eventually coating my heart like ice.

There was one ship that stood out amongst the others. One ship that was completely destroyed, and had been repaired beyond belief. A lot of work had been put into that ship, and immediately I felt pain for it, for its crew. But there was a sense of pride that it had been fixed, almost to the point where it could fly again. I felt a faint smile rising within me, but swallowed it back down. Something was familiar about this ship. I raised my eyebrow, chewing my lower lip and wondering what made me recognise it so.

No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't be.

I started to hobble up towards the ship, my crutch making a clanking on the metal grate as though it were a third leg. The ramp of the tattered ship was lowered to the ground, and as I made my way up I saw the plaque, still intact, held high upon the metal piping.

The Nebuchadnezzar.

I felt a tear come to my eye, and for once I allowed it to streak down my face. I felt a mixture of sheer happiness and pride and then the contrasting nostalgia and loneliness. I hadn't felt this alone in a long time. Neo should be by my side to see this. He would usually be with me at the docks. Since I had met him I had not walked this cold walk alone. He should be sharing my joy, my pride. He should be sharing the sight of this plaque, undamaged by the sentinel bomb in the attack only a few weeks before. I imagined the feeling of his warm hand tenderly draped around my waist, or holding my hand and squeezing it every couple of steps. I imagined his grip on my hand tightening, my head turning to face him, my eyes drowning in his as we shared this moment…

Damn it, Trinity. Stop this.

I let him escape my mind as swiftly as he had entered, like mist drifting out of my ears. I could hear a faint, familiar voice coming from the direction of the Mess Hall, perhaps even as far as the core. I made my way through, my stiff legs and crutch tapping harshly on the cold floor. The frame of the ship - the only bit that must have survived - had been coated with more panels of metal, the floor had been remade with a new kind of grating, and the pipes had been restored. The dents in any panels that were from the ship before had been suctioned out, and now the ship looked good as new.

The voice I recognised to be Link's fell quiet, and as I made my way into the core he spun around in his operator chair and looked at me, his mouth falling open in shock.

"Hey," I said, my face calm and straight. I arrived by his side and looked down at him, wanting to laugh at his face but not finding the emotion to make it happen.

"Trinity!" he cried, ripping his headset from his head and leaping up from his chair. He looked at me for a moment, a pause in his step, and then he threw his arms around my shoulders. His head was buried in my hair. "I'm so glad to see you."

"This is a new side to you," I said, some slight amusement creeping into my voice. I allowed a small smile, though it was only partly sincere - my worries still playing on my mind - and stepped back to look at him. "Why are you alone?"

I was interrupted by a soft crackling and a muffled sound coming from the headset, and we both moved over towards it. Link glanced at me then pulled the headset on, taking his seat again. I could vaguely hear Morpheus speaking on the other end, but couldn't quite make out what he was saying.

"Yes sir. Yes sir, she's right here. Yes sir, she can walk, she's up and walking," Link explained to him, his voice filled with excitement and joy. There was a relaxed smile on his face now, and it made me feel like this was the good old days. This thought would bring sad ones along with it, so I forced myself to concentrate.

I sat down in the chair next to Link, staring at the blank and cracked monitors in front of us. The ship had taken more than a fair beating, it was an understatement to say she was destroyed. Needless to say she wouldn't be flying for a while. I settled into the soft, remade leather and took in the familiar and new scents of my home. Link handed me a headset.

"We have the communications device up and running, but that's pretty much it. It'll be a while before we even have water available. Then he returned to his conversation with Morpheus, while I was still curious as to where Morpheus was. I knew he must be in the Matrix though. "Sir, do you see anything unusual?"

"Well, no. There is nothing here. Roland has told me the code is there, with a glitch in it. It's like Neo is there, but there's something different about him. Invisible, it seems," Morpheus said, in his own kind of joking tone that seemed serious to anyone who didn't know him.

I moaned and shuddered a little.

"So, nothing then?" Link said quietly.

"Nothing. There's a wall behind me, where Neo is apparently located, but it isn't even hollow," he replied sadly. I had never heard his voice so emotional, so intense. I almost wished I hadn't heard him, for his tone now made me feel a deep sense of despair.

"Morpheus?" I said gingerly into my microphone. I almost pleaded with him for a more amiable answer.

"Trinity," Morpheus replied, acknowledging me. "This is how it has been for days."

"Shouldn't there be some kind of _program_ for this?" I asked sarcastically. I was surprised to get an answer.

"Actually, yes. There is. Her name is the Seeker. But I do not think you want to speak with her."


	6. Disobedience

**Emphatic**

**A/N: **So every chapter so far has been about Trinity's weaknesses, now, for those of you who support Trinity fully, we have some ass-kicking on the way... Sorry for the lengthy delay.**

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**Chapter 6 - Disobedience**

A few hours later, Morpheus had been unplugged and was back in the docks with the rest of the crew from the Hammer. All had sombre looks on their faces, even Roland, who I knew had never liked Neo at all. I shook my head so gently that no one could have noticed. I shared their feeling of sadness, although mine was much more intense, much more melancholy. Morpheus immediately left their crew, thanking them for their hospitality, and joined us on the Neb. We discussed our options around a new table in the Mess Hall. I missed our old scratched table, it was gone just like many things in my life had been taken.

I was told that the Logos was in an awful state, and when the ships had gone to retrieve her they decided against it. They had considered repairing her, assuming that just the frame had been wrecked, including the windscreen and the consoles. But it turned out the damage went deeper than that. Her engine had blown, destroying any chance of her ever flying again. Even with a new engine she was just a wreck through and through. The pipes had burst, short-circuiting all electrical equipment. Even the weapons could not be saved. There was no point in repairing a tiny ship with that much damage - it would be easier just to build a new one.

Morpheus also explained that while he was on his search for Neo that day, he had gone looking for the Seeker, but she was nowhere to be found.

"Why didn't you keep looking?" I snapped, anxiety and frustration, stress and weariness taking control of my brain and speech.

Morpheus didn't seem at all fazed by my sharp, nasty comments, in fact he seemed to understand why I made them, though he didn't blame himself either. He just remained perfectly calm and collected. "I just thought there would be a faster, more effective way of finding Neo, if he is right under our noses. Time is something that cannot be wasted in this world, Trinity. The Seeker may already have been deleted."

"Did you ask the Oracle?" I asked him, my voice high pitched with desperation. For a moment, Morpheus hesitated, falling silent and avoiding my gaze.

"No," he told me. Something told me he was lying. I had never experienced a feeling of betrayal so intense as this, but if Morpheus kept something from me, I somehow managed to realise that there was some sort of reasoning to it, no matter how unreasonable I saw that to be. Asking him wouldn't make him tell me, beating him senseless wouldn't make him tell me. From here on in it was up to me, at least that's how I saw it.

All three of us fell silent, giving me time to think things through. An idea finally came to me, after discussion had begun again. I had to plug into the Matrix myself, and no one was going to stop me. I was a strong woman, I could handle myself. If they couldn't accept that, then I'd prove it to them. How I was going to get myself inside was another problem. The Neb couldn't fly yet, and we couldn't plug into the Matrix from Zion. I would have to get on another ship. For a moment I considered stowing away on a ship, and then I considered lying to a crew to make them take me with them on their next trip out. A ship would be returning from lookout soon, so another would have to take its place. Then I realised that the Hammer would be going out, probably with Morpheus. Getting on it would be a much better plan, but with Morpheus on board it would be difficult to hide. I had no choice but to discuss it.

"When are you next going out?" I asked Morpheus, hopeful for a desirable answer.

"The Hammer is back for the night. Most of the crew, including even the new members, are extremely energetic. They've been working shifts almost a week long at times, which most ships at this time aren't doing. They're leaving again tomorrow," Morpheus replied. That was a good sign, though it still didn't solve the problem of getting past Morpheus.

"Are you jacking in again?" I quizzed him.

"No, I'm sorry Trinity. I'm needed for a council meeting tomorrow, to explain how the search is going." My heart leapt. I didn't think ahead at all, I just knew that now I had less to deal with.

"Sir, am I coming with you?" Link asked, looking up from his hands.

"No, Link. That reminds me, you are needed on the Hammer tomorrow. Their operator took a bad injury to their hand, they have been ordered to stay in Zion for another week. I offered your services to them. Can you do that?"

"Not a problem, sir."

I saw the opportunities arising. Link could easily be manipulated - it was his one flaw. He could be manipulated by love especially. I knew I had to use my negotiating skills now. They were so rusty from being unused for years that I wasn't sure if they would even work, but that was what I had to go on so I was willing to give it a try.

I will try anything.

Shortly after that, I rose up from the metal chair in the Mess Hall, taking my cane from against the ship wall and turning to the other two. Morpheus got to his feet, and he looked at me caringly. He placed a hand gently on my shoulder, and I could swear the only time I had ever seen his face filled with so much emotion was when we watched the Nebuchadnezzar when she was hit by the sentinel bomb, all his work blown up in two seconds flat.

"You take care," he whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, just quiet enough to stop Link from hearing. He smiled a little and I turned away, still angry at him for lying to me. Slowly I hobbled out of the ship, down the ramp and towards the bridge again. I had to return to my cabin for some serious thinking before tomorrow. It was getting into the early evening now, by the looks of the amount of people who were out. If Neo had been with me now we probably would have been heading back to the cabin to go to bed, but not for sleep. We would have made love and then discussed what we planned to do the next day, planning our tactics and how we were going to get past the rest of the crew. But now I returned to our room alone, my options buzzing around in my head, mixed with thoughts of him, his smell, the feeling of his bare flesh against mine, the stroke of his hand down my body. I shook my head in shame at myself, before finally reaching the crewmembers' row of cabins.

I slipped through the flaking red door into the dim light, pulling the cord on the wall to turn on the overhead light, and quickly dropping into our bed. I unbuckled my boots, dropping them with a loud clank to the metal floor, and slid under the rough blankets onto the hard mattress. I pushed the blanket down to around my waist level, and wrapped my fingers around the rough fabric of the bottom of my sweater. I lifted it up to my chest and surveyed the dressing below it. I had to know what the damage was like now. There was no blood on the dressing, which was a good sign already. As I slowly peeled off the bandage, wincing very slightly at the remaining pain from my wounds, I saw that they were almost healed. There were still gashes where the metal had gone through, the skin having not been healed, but the machines had managed to heal inside my body perfectly, and the stitching on my wounds was very good, very precise. My body was clean, and no blood stained even the skin around the wounds. I was glad to see that I would be well enough to jack in, but just to be completely sure I pressed on the gashes to see how much pressure they could take. I felt some pain, but not even half as much as I had expected, and I managed a smile despite the situation. I still throbbed from the fresh bruises I had received, but I was doing very well.

I thought for a while about what I was going to do, and decided I was not going to tell Link of what I was doing. I knew his ways pretty well by now, and knew that he would be about half an hour late for the Hammer. Zee kept him under close control, and they were a very passionate couple. I didn't have to guess that she would be the cause of his tardiness. I would leave for the ship before he would even be leaving their cabin, and would meet him at the docks. I would make sure he didn't go back to Morpheus, and then I would explain to him I was coming with him. He couldn't stop me, I knew he couldn't. I didn't want to plan things too much, for fear of trying to follow my plan and completely messing everything up. So I decided to get a couple of hours of sleep, wake up and have a quick shower - my first in about three weeks - and then make my way to the docks. I liked this plan, and somehow managed to drift over into a dreamless sleep.

--

The next morning was important to me; one of the most important days of my relationship with Neo. If this went wrong I might not find him. But of course, I tried to ignore that thought for as long as was humanly possible. Without a clock I couldn't tell the time, but I assumed I was very early for when I had a look outside the lights of the busy-by-day city were still completely out, and even the men of the control tower weren't awake yet. My body clock was also pretty used to timing, and because I still felt tired I assumed it was very early morning. I walked towards the modestly small bathroom, with just the basics amenities, and climbed into the shower. The pipes clanked loudly and it was about ten seconds after I turned it on before water gushed out. At first it was cold, then it returned to its usual almost-warm temperature. I stood under the water, my face turned upwards, facing into it. I let it run all over my body, a kind of cleansing of the body and mind, before I finally decided to get out and get dressed. I dried my hair with an old rag then ran it over my skin quickly, before pulling on my sweater and pants nervously, buckling my boots as quickly as I could manage. I decided to banish the cane today, to make myself look stronger and possibly more threatening if I needed to seem that way to get my own way.

I made my way across the bridge for the second time in the last 24 hours, my anxiety making my head clear for the first time in about a month. I enjoyed this feeling, without really realising that I was enjoying it. It made me feel relaxed, strangely. When I reached the docks that feeling disappeared, and I perched on one of the metal crates. I had managed to walk across without too much of a limp, so I had a certain sense of pride in myself. I focused my brain on that feeling so as not to notice anything else I might feel, and literally a few minutes later the lights of the city went on. A very short while after that, the crew of the Hammer started appearing from their cabins, ready to board their ship again. I turned and started to walk as fast as my broken body would let me, and dodged in behind one of the tall stacks of crates. I stood there with my back against the wall, not used to being stealthy, and listened as three of the crewmembers appeared. I recognised Roland's voice, as well as Mauser and a new voice. Female, older than me and rough. From the tone of Roland's voice, he held some kind of mutual respect with her, the kind that is underlay by the feeling of, "You kick my ass and I'll kick yours harder."

Soon, the rest of the crew had arrived, including Colt and another new person. He sounded young, and I didn't quite catch his name, but his voice was very soft, it sounded somewhat caring. None of the crew boarded the ship, and eventually Roland's angry tone surfaced.

"Where is that damned operator? Is everyone on that ship useless?" he growled. I heard the stomping of angry feet. I shared the feeling, ready to pounce out at any moment and beat the living hell out of Roland for that comment.

"You know that's not true," the woman said. She didn't use the word 'sir', I noticed, and it reminded me of myself. Perhaps she was high in the rankings too. I imagined Roland's face at that comment, and wanted to smile. "You respect Morpheus, even if you don't believe what he says."

"Damn it woman, that doesn't matter right now," he grunted, defeated. I smirked.

Soon after that, impatience still rising within the group, I heard hurried footsteps on the bridge. I recognised them to be Link's, though his clumsy steps made him resemble Kid.

He's early.

"I am so sorry sir," Link said. Always showing respect for the captain…

"You're damn right," Roland snarled. "Are we ready men?"

There was a cough.

Roland groaned. "And women," he muttered.

"Yes sir," a few of them replied at once. The group left, leaving Link to pick up one of the remaining bags and start to follow. I caught him at this moment, striding up behind him quite loudly and grabbing his upper arm in a vice grip.

"Ow," he yelped, turning round to see me. His eyes widened, and his mouth didn't close after his complaint. "Trinity, what are you…"

"I have to come with you."

"What? No, you can't…You can't," he said, trying to hide his anxiety.

"I have to," I repeated firmly.

"Trinity…" he whined.

"Link, you are taking me on that ship with you, and you are telling them it is at Morpheus' request. I am jacking into the Matrix, and I am going to find him. Do you understand me?"

Link shook his head, turning his body round to face me. I heard someone shouting from the other side of the dock.

"Link, hurry the hell up!"

"Just a minute, sir!" he called back. "Trinity, you know I can't let you do this. Morpheus…he'd kill me! He'd fire me, I'd lose my job…"

"Link, this is Neo we are talking about. I am jacking into the Matrix to find him, and you can't stop me. I am going to do this with your help or without your help, but you better damn well hope it's with it."

Link looked shocked, and as he chewed his bottom lip I saw him inhale very deeply, and he was very reluctantly giving in.

"I…"

"Link, even with injuries you know I could knock you out."

His eyes wandered to the floor, and he bent over to pick up the bag. "Then I guess you better come with me now," he said. As this happened, I noticed the ashamed look on his face, as if he thought his loyalty to Morpheus has just been completely ruined.

--

We boarded the ship with ease, the newer crewmembers not really taking a second glance at me. Roland and Mauser, however, glared at me, Mauser more kindly than his captain. Roland marched up to me with his back perfectly straight, and I imagined him with his chest puffed out just like a little child walking up to his bully. He looked me up and down from above his nose, attempting - but failing - to make me feel inferior to him. I had never liked Roland. Of course, he was an undeniably brilliant captain, but as a person he was belittling and cruel. I wouldn't have minded had he not included me in his snide little comments and superiority complexes.

"And what, might I ask, are you doing on _my _ship?" he asked, the 'my' emphasised yet again with a tinge of superiority. He looked down his nose at me once again, and I clenched my hands into fists to keep myself calm.

"I am here at the request of my captain," I told him as casually as I could muster.

"Link?" Roland called, obviously immediately frustrated by this.

"Yes sir?"

"Do you know of her being here?" he asked, facing towards Link but turning his eyes to glare at me with a certain hostility. Luckily this redirected his eyes from Link, who could not help but look shamefully at the floor. I could see him growing embarrassed and nervous. His boot scuffed softly on the metal grating below.

"Yes sir, of course sir. Captain Morpheus stated that she should come with us, plug in to look for Neo," Link replied, eventually looking up. He winced at his forgetfulness and added, "Sir."

Roland stared at me for a moment longer before turning back to Link. "I was sure Morpheus knew we could handle this ourselves."

"Of course sir. But Trinity…"

"I need to look for Neo," I said sharply.

Roland turned to look at me, a sly smile playing on his thin lips. "Oh. Of course, and you would know better, wouldn't you? His lover, his girlfriend. Just don't get in the way." With that final comment, he stomped off, rapping off orders to his crew. This was much to my relief, as I had finally got a chance to release my fists, which had been so tight they had caused my knuckles to turn cold and white.

"Trinity, this better work. And damn it, you are getting the blame if Morpheus finds out," Link hissed at me, spinning on his heel and walking towards the Mess Hall of the large ship.

I whispered softly after him, "He _will_ find out."

It's a chance I'm willing to take.

* * *

**A/N:** Yet another chapter. Any thoughts? I wasn't sure how to work this, because it was difficult to find a way for Trinity to jack in, still avoiding Morpheus who we all know would definitely not let her go… 


	7. New Player

**Emphatic**

**A/N:** Sorry I took so long to update, I've had a lot of exam work lately, and it's taken up pretty much all of my time. Any spare time I have had I've been spending out, sorry about this. Here's another update.

* * *

Chapter 7 - New Player

I could tell from that moment onwards that my stay on this ship was going to be a short one, but not for the reason I was hoping. Rather than it being short because we were close to finding Neo, it would be short because Captain Roland's temper was heightened in my presence, and it was obvious to me and probably the rest of the crew that he did not want me aboard. What I took to my advantage was that he had a cynical respect for the other captains, and felt the need to keep me on his ship until I had at least plugged in once. I was pleasantly shocked when he didn't try to contact Morpheus to confirm his request, something that was unusual of him.

Even on a large ship like the Hammer, cabins were limited. If I wanted a cot I would have to share with one of the crew, or with Link, and to be honest I didn't exactly feel like I needed the company. So I spent my first night in the operator chair in the core, curled up and watching the monitors. My eyes focused on the green code as it trickled down the screens, oozing down before my eyes. I read the code subconsciously now, and could see the streets of cities, buildings and people bustling about. I finally got bored of it, and found myself drifting off into a light sleep, dreaming of the scent of Neo lying beside me, a deep musky smell. It was a mixture between oil and sweat, and although it doesn't sound pleasant it was what I had come to love, and so I found myself enjoying the scent.

When I woke up, a faint smile on my face, I opened my eyes wearily to be greeted with the face of Frost, the woman whom I had noticed earlier. Her long, pale blonde hair was a little tangled from sleep, and as she stared at me I realised her name suited her. She had a sharp looking face, the angles harsh and with pale skin. She had high cheekbones, pale pink lips and piercing blue eyes, a dangerous beauty. But despite noticing this, my heart sunk to the lowest it has ever been. When I realised that the smell of my lover was no longer lingering in the air, I sat up, aggravated already, and got to my feet.

"Morning, Trinity," Frost said, her voice somewhat soft compared with her features.

"Morning."

"I heard about your injuries, the crash. How are you?" she asked, not making eye-contact, barely really noticing me. Now her kindness seemed forced.

"Fine."

I turned to walk off as she took my seat, making my way into the Mess Hall to ease my sudden hunger. There sat Colt, AK and a young man who I had earlier realised was named Zany. He definitely suited his name, being one of the only crewmembers on the Hammer who was willing to smile more than once a week. I usually didn't like this type of person, finding it strange being around someone who was so cheerful, and crazy, but this man was one whom I saw as possibly being an ally in my situation. If I needed him, I assumed that he would help me out of sheer politeness and love for life.

I quickly snatched a tin of the goop I had come to know as food, and took an empty spot at the end of the table, away from the rest of the group. I didn't want to be troubled with too much questioning, my earlier conversation with Frost proving to be awkward enough for my liking. I got a couple of odd glances from the three crewmembers who shared the table with me, but I kept my eyes directed at the scratched surface of the table, slowly spooning the semi-solid, semi-liquid breakfast into my mouth and swallowing it gratefully. Soon, Link and Roland appeared, Roland looking awake and grumpy as usual, Link just looking exhausted. He rubbed his eyes as he sat down opposite me with his tin of food, and quietly grabbed my attention.

"Trinity, how you holding up?" he whispered, keeping his eyes on the rest of the crew to make sure they weren't listening to our private conversation.

"I'm fine," I replied, almost fully honest. I was feeling physically okay, although I had felt better. My muscles still throbbed slightly, and I still felt stiff and had a stinging tinge where my scars were, but apart from that it wasn't too bad. Emotionally and mentally I was holding up better than I had expected, trying to force thoughts of Neo out of my head entirely. But on my first night there he definitely crept into my mind at least a few times, whether I was conscious or unconscious at the time.

When Roland finally graced us with his presence, tired and still groggy from one of those kinds of sleeps that is although truly satisfying it is also never enough, he glanced wearily around the room, squinting against the lights, and focused on the most recent pilot. "Zany. How far are we from broadcast level?" His voice was considerably softer due to his weakness of love for rest, but I knew this sweetness wouldn't last long.

"Not far, sir," Zany said with a hint of a grin already spreading across his face. I remembered how the new additions to ships had always been. New crewmembers always acted enthusiastic and ever cheerful, though were always nervous and careful not to upset their captain for fear of being kicked off the crew. Many of them were also very naïve. This man struck me as owning the qualities of cheeriness and enthusiasm, sarcasm as well as kindness. But he was definitely not nervous, and certainly didn't appear to be naïve. I admired these qualities in a crewmember, they would go far.

"Good. Will we arrive there today, before we stop for the night?" Roland asked, his voice becoming a little firmer.

"No idea, Sir. But it's worth a try. If we don't arrive tonight we'll be there by tomorrow. And even if we do reach b-level tonight, surely you won't want to be jacking in at such a late hour?" Zany answered, that smile growing from genuine pleasure from his job to a knowing grin. Whatever happened, my pain was being prolonged for yet another day. And to be honest, I didn't know if I could hold out much longer without at least attempting to search.

The rest of the crew discussed their options further, Link participating in only a few of their conversations. While this occurred around me, my mind wandered to something Morpheus had said a few days before.

"Actually, yes. There is. Her name is the Seeker. But I do not think you want to speak with her."

The Seeker. I had never heard of her before. And despite all efforts, I most definitely did want to speak with her. What could be so wrong with her that I would want to hide away from her? If she could help me, why should I wait? In fact, why wasn't I already at her side, requesting, or even _demanding_ her assistance? This question continued to flash in my mind throughout the day, which dragged by slowly. We didn't take off again until before lunch time, which meant blending in with the rest of the crew until then, in the serious hope that no one would try to make small talk with me.

Link seemed to know this, and avoided me for most of the day. We only bumped into each other when passing through rooms, and I appreciated that he was following what he seemed to know to be the way I wanted things. But unfortunately the rest of the crew didn't know me so well, and as the day grew older I realised that Frost and I weren't going to get along very well. She was named well, a very cold person, the kind who enjoys her revenge hot and sweet. But she was also very forward, and she always seemed to want to know everyone else's business. Especially mine. I normally wouldn't have taken any notice of her, but I was feeling overly vulnerable, which wasn't normal for me, and it made me more defensive.

"How are you holding up," she asked, her voice dotted with what seemed like an icy coldness she was trying to disguise in her attempt at being concerned.

"Fine."

"It doesn't seem like it," she retorted. I wasn't sure how she meant this to sound - as if she was trying to make me realise that I could tell her, and she would understand, or perhaps it was just her way of being like an ice queen. No prizes for guessing how she got her name, then. I answered her without words, and just flashed her a quick glare from the corner of my eyes, before getting up from my seat at the mess hall table and marching off in the direction of the cockpit, hoping that there would be more silence up there, having to just deal with two people, two of whom I could always rely on to be the same. Roland would always be Roland, grumpy, harsh and cruel, and Zany seemed he would always be cheery but quiet. Their company would please me more than anyone else's right now, apart from Link's. But he knew my situation only too well, we were too familiar. I didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

When I arrived at the cockpit, Roland and Zany buckled into their leather chairs, Zany took a quick glance over his shoulder. He gave me a knowing look.

"Getting away from it all, Trinity?" he asked rhetorically. I nodded anyway, less out of agreement and more out of satisfaction that he understood my reason for being there. I took one of the seats behind the pilot chairs and buckled in myself. We would no doubt be joined by more of the crew in a few moments. I savoured this momentary almost-silence, listening to only the humming of the engine as it started up, and the sound of Roland quietly bickering with Zany about which pipeline would take them to broadcast level more quickly. A allowed myself to smile briefly before settling down.

As we neared a mouth in the pipeline later on that day, it was around mid-evening. We hovered by the opening for a couple of moments before Zany broke into a huge grin.

"Broadcast level, welcome ladies and gentlemen!"


End file.
